Romance Purity Test
Jesse's Romance Test
Please answer all questions truthfully and send the
o Is your head shaved? o Do you have delusions that your really Klingon? o Consume human blood? o Are you pierced in places other than your ears? o Do you have any tattoos? o Do you have a felony conviction? o Do you belong or did belong to a group that advocates overthrowing the U.S. government? o Have you visited Cuba, North Korea or Iraq in the last year? o Are you a registered agent for a foreign government? o Were you released from any mental health institution? o Are you under psychiatric care right now? o Were you born a female? Come on guys, makeup, clothes and plastic surgery don't cut it. o Do you have one and only one personality? If not each personality must complete a separate questionnaire. o If you have multiple personalities, does any personality stalk another personality? o Are any two or more of your personalities dating each other? o Are you a Wicca/Pagan believer, cult member or priestess? o Do you have red hair? No peeking at the bottle. o Do you have blonde hair? No peeking at the bottle. o Do you have brunette hair? No peeking at the bottle. o Can you swim? o Have you ever had a date with Martina Navratilova? o Do you belong to a witch coven? o Are you a vampire? o Are you a veteran of the Sexual Revolution? Have you ever, at any time in your life. o Been a Cheerleader? o Belonged to a sorority o Done professional work as a model? o Done professional work as an actress? Controlled Substances o Do you use Prozac? o Do you use Marijuana, but only if you inhaled? o Do you use Caffeine? Intravenous caffeine feeds DO NOT count. o Do you like/use Chocolate? Encounters with Extraterrestrial Aliens o If you are a nonhuman Extra Terrestrial let's just forget the whole thing. o If you are a Human Extra Terrestrial, we can talk. Abductions o Were you ever kidnapped/abducted by a UFO? o Were you ever kidnapped/abducted by the CIA? (Kidnappings and abductions by the FBI don't count.) Were any of the people listed below in the kidnapping/abduction party? o Pee Wee Herman o Lee Majors o Elvis Presley o Cary Grant o Have you ever dated outside the human species? Have you ever, at any time had o Puppy love o A crush o A broken heart o Unrequited love o Toxic Chocolate Shock o Toxic Garlic Shock
Last updated June 14 1998
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